This past Sunday night I asked all the married couples to list their spouses top three emotional needs.  I was shocked to see that a few couples already knew their spouses needs, but the majority only got one right and some none.  Before you can meet the needs of your spouse you must know what they are. 

After 28 years of marriage I think I can safely say here are Deb's top three needs:
1. Love her and the kids unconditionally
2. Security - women love to know the bills are paid and their husbands are there for them
3. Appreciation - Deb wants and needs me to appreciate all she does.  She works full time, cleans and cooks and
    is a wonderful Mom & Grandma, not to mention an awesome wife and pastors wife at that.

I asked Deb to write about my needs.  In usual fashion, she has a lot more to say than me:

Dean asked me to write about his top 3 needs are so I thought and these are what I came up with:

1)      Sexual fulfillment
2)      Respect him
3)      Appreciation

My first thought is not to understand why all that is important to him.  So after 30 plus years with him I am still trying to understand this.  I do know that life in the Herman household is much better when these needs are met .  I do truly want to be a Godly wife.   (A plug for the book “His Needs, Her Needs”)  I have read this book twice and from time to time I tell Dean I need to read it again and he quickly says “yes,  you do”.  This book will help you understand why his needs are so important and vice a versa.  It will definitely make you think and put marriage in perspective.

If we are a mother we have no problem with putting our needs to the side when it comes to our children but not always willing to do so when it comes to our husband.  This is not the way God has it written.  Our spouse should come first.  (Of course there are circumstances) By nature most women ( as a mother, as a sister, and as a friend) have no problem with putting others first but we cannot  let go and put our spouse first.  To be honest I have to work on this myself at times.  Life is demanding and the old saying is true “we usually treat the ones we love the most the worst”.   Why is this?  I ask the Lord often during my quiet time to help me be the Godly wife that He has called me to be.  I can’t pick and choose the areas that I want to be Godly in when it comes to marriage.  Believe me I have tried.  Life is better in general when you put your needs to the side.  Trust me!

I love you Dean!!!


For any marriage to work, both parties must meet the needs of their spouse.  If not, those needs will be met elsewhere and that is never a good situation.