Yesterday marked 30 years of marriage for Deb and I.  Can't believe she has stuck with me that long.  God has really protected us through the years.  If you've attended 5 Point the past few years you know the heart I have for marriages.  I have learned a lot about marriage over the past 30 years I'd like to share.  Here we go:

1.  If your mate isn't hand picked by God your going to have a rough go of it. 
I know without a shadow of a doubt Deb is my soul mate.  I love her more today than I ever have.  In the words of Tom Cruise, "she completes me."  And I'm just as sure the reason for this is that God hand picked this woman to be my wife.  No way we could have survived some of the crap we've experienced without God the Father.

2. Marriage is a learning process
Deb and I have a great marriage.  But it hasn't always been that way.  We learned how to be married.  I was just like all other grooms.  Thought marriage would be sex forever and because of that there would be no problems.  Come to find out sex isn't forever and there are problems.  So as the man I have two choices, leave or deal with the problems.  I chose to deal with our problems and learn through them.  My prayer now is that our marriage can be an example for others.

3. Moms look at children different than Dads
Make sure you take this the right way.  I love my kids more than life itself but Deb and I have differing opinions when it comes to our kids.  And talking with men I have found this to be the case in a lot of marriages.  Here are a few examples:
a. When Shell was a baby and wanted to sleep with us I said no.  Deb went to sleep with Shell.  I was jealous and didn't want this but the Mother took over in Deb.
b. I have always wanted to go on Dean and Deb vacations.  Leaver the kids here.  Deb always wanted to take the kids.
c. I'm much harder on the kids than Deb. 
d. I expect so much form the kids.  Deb just continues to love them.
Debbie Herman is one of the best Moms I've ever been around and I thank God for the way she has helped me raise our kids.  Here is my conclusion on this matter.  Yes we look at kids a little different but our kids need both of us.  Kids need a Mom and Dad.  One of the reasons we have so many messed up kids todays is because there are so many one parent families.

4. Newlyweds do not need the same standard of living as their parents
Debt is destroying so many marriages.  Newlyweds think they need as fancy a house and car as their parents and it took their parents 30 years to get there.  I can remember the duplex Deb and I lived in at Clemson.  You talk about a hole.  But heres the deal, every time we moved we moved into something nicer which helped us to appreciate it even more.  We live in the nicest house we've ever lived in now and I'm about to put it up for sale.  What I've come to find out is that I could live anywhere long as I have Deb with me.  And never forget, God's children have a mansion being built on the other side.

5.  We must continue to date our wives
I failed miserably in this area.  Dated Debbie with all the charm I had (which wasn't much) in the beginning.  Once i conquered my trophy I became the real Dean.  Expected Deb to continue being what I dated while I stopped.  So unfair.  After years of counseling couples and 30 years of marriage I now understand, couples need to date.  Time to get away and just be together.  Talk about what is going on in life.  Deb and I are going to the beach for a couple days next week and I can't wait.  Just my bride and me hanging out together.  A long overdue date. 

More tomorrow